Broken trust.

Broken trust, once again.

Once again I believed a man, I believe someone who was supposed to care about me and wanted me to trust them.

I gave my faith against the advice of others and in the end have ended up not trusting two people who actually have never lied to me. I have pushed away my friends who love me who guide me and who treat me as I treat them for a lie.

Where in the handbook of life does it say that one person deserves to have their trust and faith destroyed every single time she gives it.

The world is full of liars and when you cant trust you can not see the ones who are actually wanting to be in your life because of all the lies caused by one.

I think in giving my trust i gave my heart i give my friendship and I give more than was deserved and while not asking for anything in return expectations of truth and honesty are assumed to be given.

But we all know the magic of the word assume- it makes an ASS out of U and ME.

So once again here I am having to rebuild my heart my faith in people and I can only hope that the ones who I pushed away because they worried I would end up like this will forgive me and realize that this is another chapter in the story of Mary.

I have come to the realization I will not trust again. I will harden my heart to any pretty words and all pretty lies and when the next time trust comes knocking at my heart I will tell it to go to hell.

This wont be the last time I will feel this way as I am a sucker and believe everything everyone tells me. Some day I hope to get the world that is my heart uninvolved in the world of fake friends and fake men and the liars that hurt me.

And to the two I pushed away all I can say is that I hope they understand this is Mary being stupid again and realize that the desperation of having to have someone to believe in causes actions not normal.

Once trust has been destroyed by the one person who said they loved you more than anything, it is the hardest thing in the world to relearn and in relearning it with another liar and trust breaker it causes damage not easily recovered from

Some times I regret ever coming onto the internet because since that day I have found good people and bad people but always seem to attract myself to the liars and push the true at heart away.

To the ones who do read this and wonder when is she ever going to learn I can only say that today is a good day to try but wont be accomplished in one minute one hour one day...